The nostalgia of my baby growing up
Today I had one of those pangs of ‘oh she’s growing up so fast’. And as my brain finished thinking the thought my mum in law said ‘oh she’s growing up too fast’.
At 3 and a half Little Monkey is desperate to become a big girl, or even better a grown up. That’s her major interest in life along with getting ‘skater-ing shoes’ -Heelies to everyone else – and having hair that’s so long it touches the floor!
Babyhood is gone
I makes me sad to see that pretty much all the traces of her babyhood have gone. She’s getting long in the legs, and her baby fat is gone.
I have said to my husband that it makes me feel sad to see her growing up, and so fast. And he just doesn’t get it. He thinks it’s wonderful that she’s becoming more ‘interactive’ -his word. You can do more activities with her, chat to her, and have a laugh with her.
Babe in arms
But although I appreciate his point I wish she was still a baby in my arms. She was born a bit early and very small, and in medical circumstances that could have ruined the whole birth experience for me. But as soon as I held her in my arms I could feel that she was the same baby who had been curled up inside me for those months.
She felt right
She felt right to me. It was like coming home. And I had a very strong sense of her being part of me, flesh of my flesh, I grew her. This sense of her being an extension of my body didn’t start to pass at all until she began to crawl at 11 months. Then suddenly it was plain to see she was making choices about what to explore see and interact with.
As each month passes she becomes more and more her own independent human being with her own opinions. Opinions that differ to mine, and her own likes and dislikes that differ to mine. I don’t want at all to hold her back or try to force her into being a creature of my creating. That way horribly poor parenting lies. It frightens me that she will be going out into the wide world, she will get bruised and battered by life and I won’t be able to protect her.
It’s gone so far since the days when I could do my best for her by eating healthily and taking folic acid. The next step is going to take a lot of courage but it’s going to be fun.